When Mozart composed his concerto, number 13, the piano did not know that this concerto was a piano concerto featuring the piano. While the orchestra filled the music chamber with its beautiful melodies, harmonies, moods, tensions, and music, the piano simply listened, unsure of its place in what seemed like a world that it was both a part of and at the same time separate.
It took a while for the piano to find its voice, but when it did, it came out distinct. At first, the piano was always running, always doing, always trying, always striving, always reaching, not slowing down, not reflecting, not wanting to get left behind. It moved to its own beat and its own tempo, because it was an instrument of its own, and Mozart had intended that it be unique, set apart from the rest.
Then after some time, it slowed down. After all, why was the piano always on the go? What was so urgent that it didn’t have time to slow down and reflect? With whom was the piano competing? The piano realized that it didn’t need to compete with anyone or anything. It could move to its own beat, and pause and run as it wanted. It was free and the song was for the piano! It had to learn humility, but not compromise itself in the process.
There were times when the piano synchronized with one instrument, then two. It found companions. Other times, the piano faded out completely, allowing other instruments to thrive, recognizing and appreciating their beauty. The piano reflected, admired, synchronized, harmonized. It selflessly provided the background music for others but at times, took center stage and showed the world its light, while the orchestra served as the backdrop.
The piano was energetic, hopeful, busy, but learned to reflect, appreciate, and live. It was an instrument different from the others, but yet learned to live and play in a way to allow its beauty and the beauty of others to shine.
Tuesday, 31 March 2009
Saturday, 14 March 2009
Saturday, 7 March 2009
Anorexia
This morning I was at the gym and in walked a sickly thin girl (this is the second time I’ve seen her).
She headed straight for the treadmill and put it on a steep incline setting and began her intense power walk workout that lasted longer than the time I stayed at the gym. Her tights, which commonly hug the skin on most people that wear them, were loose (significantly loose) on her. She had on headphones and was reading a magazine, one my friend later described as “freaky”. It’s almost too cliché to say she was reading a beauty magazine, but that’s what it was.
It’s been a while since I’ve come across someone with an eating disorder and even though I don’t know her, there was something so sad about seeing her.
I think it’s sad on a lot of levels:
1. The fact that someone can become so obsessed with their looks or weight, but for who? Why can’t people be happy with who they are? I know it’s definitely easier said than done…
But whoever you’re trying to impress is clearly not worth THAT
2. Maybe she doesn’t have anyone to tell her she’s pretty or unique or whatever it is that reassures people about themselves?
3. The fact that the media bombards people with images of “beautiful”, skinny people and makes people believe that unless they fit into some arbitrary narrow beauty allotment (I can’t think of the word), then they won’t be happy, or pretty or whatever..
4. The fact that our world is so confused. Some people are starving because they have no choice and would do anything for food. And then some people feel the need to starve themselves despite the abundance of food around them.
After my workout and before starting my history paper, I was scoping out BBC news to see what’s going on in the world and came across a quote by a young Sudanese girl:
“It is very kind to send us food, but this is Africa and we are used to being hungry. What I ask is that you please take the guns away from the people who are killing us” -Aisha
Sad.
-Well on my wait out of the gym, I tried making eye contact so I could at least smile, if nothing else, and maybe strike up a conversation the next time I see her, but she didn’t look up.
I was also googling anorexia when I got back and found this:
Lack of food deprives the body of essential protein and prevents the normal metabolism of fat, resulting in:
* An irregular heartbeat that can lead to heart failure and death
* Dehydration
* Kidney stone formation and kidney failure
* Weakness because of muscle wasting
* Constipation
* Growth of fine downy hair on the face and arms
* Lack of calcium, which may cause osteoporosis
* Interrupted or no periods
Sad and scary…
She headed straight for the treadmill and put it on a steep incline setting and began her intense power walk workout that lasted longer than the time I stayed at the gym. Her tights, which commonly hug the skin on most people that wear them, were loose (significantly loose) on her. She had on headphones and was reading a magazine, one my friend later described as “freaky”. It’s almost too cliché to say she was reading a beauty magazine, but that’s what it was.
It’s been a while since I’ve come across someone with an eating disorder and even though I don’t know her, there was something so sad about seeing her.
I think it’s sad on a lot of levels:
1. The fact that someone can become so obsessed with their looks or weight, but for who? Why can’t people be happy with who they are? I know it’s definitely easier said than done…
But whoever you’re trying to impress is clearly not worth THAT
2. Maybe she doesn’t have anyone to tell her she’s pretty or unique or whatever it is that reassures people about themselves?
3. The fact that the media bombards people with images of “beautiful”, skinny people and makes people believe that unless they fit into some arbitrary narrow beauty allotment (I can’t think of the word), then they won’t be happy, or pretty or whatever..
4. The fact that our world is so confused. Some people are starving because they have no choice and would do anything for food. And then some people feel the need to starve themselves despite the abundance of food around them.
After my workout and before starting my history paper, I was scoping out BBC news to see what’s going on in the world and came across a quote by a young Sudanese girl:
“It is very kind to send us food, but this is Africa and we are used to being hungry. What I ask is that you please take the guns away from the people who are killing us” -Aisha
Sad.
-Well on my wait out of the gym, I tried making eye contact so I could at least smile, if nothing else, and maybe strike up a conversation the next time I see her, but she didn’t look up.
I was also googling anorexia when I got back and found this:
Lack of food deprives the body of essential protein and prevents the normal metabolism of fat, resulting in:
* An irregular heartbeat that can lead to heart failure and death
* Dehydration
* Kidney stone formation and kidney failure
* Weakness because of muscle wasting
* Constipation
* Growth of fine downy hair on the face and arms
* Lack of calcium, which may cause osteoporosis
* Interrupted or no periods
Sad and scary…
Saturday, 28 February 2009
The Paradox of Life
"The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain" -Khalil Gibran
How can two seemingly opposite emotions reside simultaneously within a person? If a person is filled with sorrow, how can joy possibly be experienced, and likewise if a someone is brimming with joy, where is there room for sorrow?
But of course, life is filled with great woe and extreme ecstasy as well as the rest of the spectrum. And without sorrow, would we even know what joy is? Surely, we must experience despair, hurt, anguish to know, appreciate, and live the bliss.
It's a bittersweet thought, but then again, so is life.
How can two seemingly opposite emotions reside simultaneously within a person? If a person is filled with sorrow, how can joy possibly be experienced, and likewise if a someone is brimming with joy, where is there room for sorrow?
But of course, life is filled with great woe and extreme ecstasy as well as the rest of the spectrum. And without sorrow, would we even know what joy is? Surely, we must experience despair, hurt, anguish to know, appreciate, and live the bliss.
It's a bittersweet thought, but then again, so is life.
Monday, 23 February 2009
Thursday, 19 February 2009
Jumping on the random bandwagon
1. 25 is too unrandom of a number for a random list of things, so i'll stop this list when i run out of things to say.
2. when it's kind of cold out, but not freezing cold out and i put on gloves, my hands tickle.
3. i'm not technically a vegetarian, but i don't like the thought of eating meat, so i usually don't.
4. I don't know how "cool" is defined, but i'm pretty sure all my siblings fit the definition.
5. Sometimes I think I have an overeating disorder, although since I've moved to london, it's gotten slightly better, but really i think I eat a lot (ask my family)
6. Sometimes I worry about what my life will be like "in the future", but then I realize what's the point in worrying... Just let life happen like it's supposed to
7. I like to crunch on the seeds in grapes.
8. I am grateful for the few constant friends I have in my life.
9. I like to feel special on my birthday, but I don't like being the center of attention.
10. Sometimes, big groups of people make me nervous
11. Snowflakes are beautiful and I think there is something miraculous about them.
12. I think so much of what governs our thoughts and actions is arbitrary.
13. There are a few things I would change about myself, but one is that I would be able to sing (well and in tune.)
14. I LOVE singing along to songs I know (probably to the disappointment of those who have to listen to me)
15. I really don't know what all the hype is about junk food. I think good for you food is quite tasty and keeps you healthy and active
16. When it rains in london (which is does pretty often), I look forward to all the cool-looking umbrellas people carry around.
17. I want to paint a picture of umbrellas
18. I don't think London's weather is as bad as people think it is.
19. I love the movie Amelie. I think she's my role model.
20. I wish I could concentrate better. I think I have slight ADD.
21. I love chapsticks and lip glosses and I usually misplace them in a pocket or purse and buy more. Sometimes I rediscover a lost chapstick 2 years later and it's exciting.
22. I definitely am the kind of person who will laugh out loud about something that happened days or years ago.
23. I waste a lot of time and wish I could be more efficient.
24. I daydream a lot.
25. I recently read somewhere that jealousy is a waste of an emotion. I love that thought.
26. I hit 25 and need to keep going, so that I break out the "25 list" box
27. By breaking out of the "25 box", I feel like I'm being an individual, but by blogging and making this list, I know I'm so not. This reminds me of the structure of feeling concept that came out of "The long revolution" I had to read for lit class. I'm sure no one knows or cares about what I'm taking about, except my classmates, and I'm pretty sure they're not reading this.
28. I love stargazing and I don't get to do enough of it in London.
29. I want to see the northern lights.
30. From my experiences with people, I think Americans get unfairly stereotyped as wasteful and ignorant. Some truly are, but so are a lot of non-Americans. And some of the most conscious people I know are Americans.
31. I don't like the concept of nationalism.
32. I could actually keep this list going for much longer, but for your sake and mine, I'll stop..
33. I'm sure I'll spend the next hour, or day, or week thinking of things that I should have put on this list. oh well..
2. when it's kind of cold out, but not freezing cold out and i put on gloves, my hands tickle.
3. i'm not technically a vegetarian, but i don't like the thought of eating meat, so i usually don't.
4. I don't know how "cool" is defined, but i'm pretty sure all my siblings fit the definition.
5. Sometimes I think I have an overeating disorder, although since I've moved to london, it's gotten slightly better, but really i think I eat a lot (ask my family)
6. Sometimes I worry about what my life will be like "in the future", but then I realize what's the point in worrying... Just let life happen like it's supposed to
7. I like to crunch on the seeds in grapes.
8. I am grateful for the few constant friends I have in my life.
9. I like to feel special on my birthday, but I don't like being the center of attention.
10. Sometimes, big groups of people make me nervous
11. Snowflakes are beautiful and I think there is something miraculous about them.
12. I think so much of what governs our thoughts and actions is arbitrary.
13. There are a few things I would change about myself, but one is that I would be able to sing (well and in tune.)
14. I LOVE singing along to songs I know (probably to the disappointment of those who have to listen to me)
15. I really don't know what all the hype is about junk food. I think good for you food is quite tasty and keeps you healthy and active
16. When it rains in london (which is does pretty often), I look forward to all the cool-looking umbrellas people carry around.
17. I want to paint a picture of umbrellas
18. I don't think London's weather is as bad as people think it is.
19. I love the movie Amelie. I think she's my role model.
20. I wish I could concentrate better. I think I have slight ADD.
21. I love chapsticks and lip glosses and I usually misplace them in a pocket or purse and buy more. Sometimes I rediscover a lost chapstick 2 years later and it's exciting.
22. I definitely am the kind of person who will laugh out loud about something that happened days or years ago.
23. I waste a lot of time and wish I could be more efficient.
24. I daydream a lot.
25. I recently read somewhere that jealousy is a waste of an emotion. I love that thought.
26. I hit 25 and need to keep going, so that I break out the "25 list" box
27. By breaking out of the "25 box", I feel like I'm being an individual, but by blogging and making this list, I know I'm so not. This reminds me of the structure of feeling concept that came out of "The long revolution" I had to read for lit class. I'm sure no one knows or cares about what I'm taking about, except my classmates, and I'm pretty sure they're not reading this.
28. I love stargazing and I don't get to do enough of it in London.
29. I want to see the northern lights.
30. From my experiences with people, I think Americans get unfairly stereotyped as wasteful and ignorant. Some truly are, but so are a lot of non-Americans. And some of the most conscious people I know are Americans.
31. I don't like the concept of nationalism.
32. I could actually keep this list going for much longer, but for your sake and mine, I'll stop..
33. I'm sure I'll spend the next hour, or day, or week thinking of things that I should have put on this list. oh well..
Thursday, 12 February 2009
Do things ever change?
How typical is it for people in their early 20s and/or college students to be so idealistic about the world and their place in it. And equally, how characteristic is it for those same people to graduate and almost instantly turn jaded? Why is it that people feel so helpless thinking they won’t actually be able to make a difference? Why is it that in campus coffeeshops and sociology classes problems seemed big, but solutions tangible? And why at the encounter of one or two setbacks, those once idealistic people think that they were just naïve, young college kids who had yet to experience the so-called “real world”.
I speak for myself here as well as for many of my peers. We would attend meetings, learn about issues in class, and discuss with each other global conflicts and social problems. I saw the realities of US public school education on a Native American reservation right out of college, and then I went to India and saw the agrarian problems farmers had to face, despite India’s “booming” economy. A few other instances dealing with bureaucracy and the NGO culture left me feeling jaded and thinking that so few people care enough to take the little steps to make society a little better and develop our humanity that I thought “forget the big stuff, it’s a lost cause”.
What about these experiences left me so blind to the fact that change can and does happen?
In my current Literature and Culture class, taught by the intense Dr. Shamoon Zamir, from King’s College, we have been reading parts of The Long Revolution by Raymond Williams. I might understand the book better after I write my essay, (which is what I should probably be working on now) but the main message I’m hearing from Williams is that we live in a world that is and has been going through a democratic, industrial, and cultural revolution, a genuine revolution, that changes people and institutions and is impacted by the actions of people who oppose the status quo.
He introduces the idea of the ‘structure of feeling’, which I take to mean the embedded cultural norms we embody. He says we are often not even aware of our cultural norms until they are disrupted. It’s like a fish in water doesn’t realize the water until it is removed from the water. So, often any form of cultural production is a repeat of the structure of feeling. It is rare to break out of the structure of feeling and one example he provides is that of the socialist movement, who often seem to revolt against capitalism, but do so on the terms of capitalism. So, for example, when unions get together and demand higher wages, they are demanding something that feeds the capitalist structure, when perhaps they should be lobbying against the work they have to do, or the fact that they need such unions in place to protect their rights.
I know the above example relates to change somehow, but I can’t quite articulate it. Regardless, there are such clear indications of change. The fact that I (a woman and of color) attended University of Illinois and am working towards a masters program, without any stigma is something that not too long ago would not have been possible. The fact that Barack Obama is the president should be sufficient proof to demonstrate that things do change.
So what if people are often motivated by economic incentives? People will drive less when gas prices become exorbitant or only turn off their lights when they are paying for their bills. Well, at least it’s something to motivate people. So what if people do things to join the trend? At least it is the trend. Millions of people who turn up to protest a war indicate concern and not apathy and that in and of itself should provide hope that people do care. As Williams says, it’s a long revolution, not just a revolution…
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